Migraine Nation

I think I am allergic to everything

2011-11-26T11:41:00.002-05:00

Ok, maybe not EVERYTHING, but lately it sure feels like it. Since getting allergy tested in January at the advice of my neurologist, I've discovered that I am allergic/sensitive to: dust, yeast, mold, trees, and grass. Really.

Like migraines, figuring out my ever-evolving allergy spectrum is a tricky task. There are no set rules. I can drink one kind of beer and be ok but 1/3 of a Leffe puts me in gastrointestinal misery for 3 hours. It seems to all be determined by how many allergens are already present in my body, so the tipping point changes every day/week/hour/minute. The nurses at the allergy clinic tell me this is normal, but that fact does not make it less frustrating or challenging.

I recently suggested to my ENT Dr that she build me some sort of clean room or bubble so we can figure out exactly what my triggers are. She said she'd get right on it. I love that she at least humors me.

And so that's where I am today: trying to figure out why my sinuses are making my head feel like a block and trying to rally and get myself motivated for an active day at work. I don't have any answers today, but maybe I'll learn something. Fingers crossed.

QUINOA FOREVER!

2011-05-12T12:42:00.000-04:00

I already am obsessed with quinoa, but this article has me convinced to add it to every meal! I am reading more and more about magnesium and migraines, but it is still no miracle cure, which is what I'm really searching for...so practical of me, I know.

Migraine Mania!

2009-07-25T18:27:00.002-04:00

No, really.

I haven't posted in a while because I've been doing well, because I've been so busy going from gig to gig that if I get a migraine it usually waits until a day off and I'm so exhausted anyway that it almost doesn't matter. I'm in bed already; adding drugs and an ice pack isn't much more effort.

But now begins the Deadly Period. I have no gigs, and haven't worked for a week and a half. Stress about finances + depression = migraine cocktail. And why might depression play a role? Well, easy: when I'm already feeling down and listless, I am less likely to be aware of migraine triggers or migraine warning signs. This is why I watched half of a terrible Matthew McConaughey movie and then Harry Potter 4 again instead of seeing my favorite 3-year old for his birthday party. But somehow, my head's condition was not fitting for an outdoor party with lots of little kids. And I was feeling crappy enough here at home that Old Shirtless McSmirky was even somewhat entertaining. Somewhat. I'm not completely daft.

Now onto the mania: I called my mother for her migraine guidance, because I truly was torn about missing the birthday party. The fact that I was having trouble forming sentences should've been a warning sign. When she answered the phone I could tell that she was in some stage of a headache; I can always hear the weakness/spaciness in her voice. So we were indeed a pair trying to talk on the phone! Anyway, she told me that her neurologist said that pre-headache mania is actually a form of an aura. WHO KNEW?! I never get the auras anymore, the regular kind, so it is interesting to note that my last 3 migraines were preceded by a period of intense mania. Like, yesterday I laundered ALL of my bedclothes, comforters, duvets, etc. AND scrubbed the floors, cleaned under things, etc. Mom reported that she used a toothpick to pick at the stubborn spots in the bathroom shower tile grout. Clearly, not normal behavior for either of us!

So now a new warning sign: mania. May take the form of intense cleaning or productivity. Oh, yay!

I was trapped under something heavy!

2009-05-27T11:22:00.002-04:00

Wow - I cannot believe its been almost THREE MONTHS since I last wrote here. But, seriously, I was working so much and so many crazy long hours that we should all give thanks that I remembered to leave the house wearing pants. Most of the time.

The amazing thing about being completely, relentlessly, overwhelmingly busy is that your head doesn't have time to f**k with you. Mine behaved for the most part through my last freelance gig - the only few bumps were due to drastic weather changes and were solved quite quickly and with minimal drugs. I was working intense days - days in which I would realize at 2:00 PM that I was still in my pajamas and hadn't yet had a thing to eat or drink. And some days, that realization would come and go and be re-visited around 6pm, when I was feeling seriously craptacular. Nothing like freelancing and working from home. No set schedule, but that also means NO END OF DAY. Or weekends. What are those?

So, of course, the day after my big event ended I was hit with 2 migraines. I was prepared and not surprised. So it just makes me wonder: if I can convince my head, albeit subconsciously, to hold off on migraines while I am busy...shouldn't I have the same power all the time? I am in charge! Going to explore that idea for now. Any thoughts?

More thoughts on stress

2009-03-01T15:27:00.003-05:00

Not surprisingly, stress can do a real number on your system. We all know this fact. But WOW, have I ever been experiencing just how many tricks stress has up it's sleeve (just go with me on this one and assume that stress wears clothes, ok?!).

Since being laid off in January, I've been on a detailed tour of strange new maladies: migraines of course - those were no surprise; coming down with the flu so severely that I could barely even get out of bed for 5 days (really!); new allergies, most distressingly to my favorite perfume (sexy!); strange rashes (date me now!); vertigo (like being stuck on the Tilt-A-Whirl); panic attacks (leaving my house felt like that scene in "Beetlejuice" when the Geena Davis character tries to leave the house and the front door opens into an abyss); and so many more! FUN!!! My father offers the sound advice that I should just go take a walk, that exercise would make me feel better. Of course he is right -- but isn't taking into account the paralyzing anxiety or the unrelenting migraines that are keeping me inside.

So what is my point here? Well, something we already knew: stress is bad. But if anyone can learn a lesson from me and control theirs better than I have, well, at least I will have made a difference. Take care, everyone.

Sumatriptastic!

2009-02-01T16:09:00.002-05:00

Update: I took my scrip to the Walgreens pharmacy, a bit of heaven for those of us accustomed to the third world country that is the Duane Reade pharmacy experience. As it turns out, Imitrex has lowered its price to match the price of the generic.

I decided to stick with the name brand after reading a few online comments from people who've tried the generic and found it doesn't work as well. I can't say I'm that surprised, as the generic manufacturing company is named Dr. Reddy's Laboratories, which just reminds me of Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution from "Arrested Development," so I just cannot take it seriously. But maybe I just need to take an Euphorazine.

A few more reasons to hope

2009-01-19T10:34:00.002-05:00

One: I've heard the rumor that generic sumatriptan (Imitrex) is now on the market. This may be small news for those with excellent prescription plans, but for me this is reason to throw a parade! It boggles my mind that the stuff is so pricey to begin with, but my good friend B, a PhD candidate in a science field, reminds me that a LOT of research and funding goes into developing these drugs. And that even the funding spent on wining and dining doctors is a small piece of the overall budget pie. Ok, I'll buy that for now. I'll be heading to the pharmacy with scrip in hand to test the waters tomorrow. Stay tuned.

Two: Bourgeois Deviant passed on a website which postulated that magnesium chloride may help to ease migraines. You can read the original page here and I will be doing more research into this topic in the future for sure.

But for now, MG is off to brunch!

Really?!?!?!?

2009-01-07T13:37:00.005-05:00

So I was trying to give this new Pope a pass since he likes cats and wears oddly whimsical red Prada shoes, but this article takes the cake (or host, or whatever). The Vatican says that "the contraceptive pill is polluting the environment and is in part responsible for male infertility." Wow. Maybe women are evil witches, too.

The pope further writes that "contraception means negating the intimate truth of conjugal love, with which the divine gift (of life) is communicated," which, sure, I can understand how he would want to say that since it seems in line with the theology. But it conveniently exists in a vacuum -- with lots of other church proclamations.

I love it when the people who don't have to worry about contraception or hormones make all the rules about it for everyone else. Much like with every other issue related to women's bodies, the Catholic church has again decided that they know what's best. Cause, really, who knows about womens' bodies better than a bunch of old celibate dudes?

Breaking News: relaxing helps keep migraines at bay

2009-01-04T11:03:00.003-05:00

Yeah, who knew? In my ongoing love affair with my new iPhone, MN recently downloaded the "Custom Hypnosis" application from iTunes on a complete whim. I just tried the lite (i.e. free) version to start, which is a sleep program. MN was having a completely wonderfully productive and pleasant afternoon yesterday, with sunlight streaming through all my southern-exposed windows. Then that "oh shit" moment hit, and I knew I'd reached my limit for the day and absolutely needed to lie down or face dire migraine consequences. Rather than give in and nap - I really hate sleeping in the daytime - I tried the hypnosis app. Having been hypnotized before (with chronic pain, one tries everything...I would go to a witch doctor if I knew where to find one. Maybe Queens?) I wasn't sure what to expect with a generic hypnosis coming out of my phone, I mean, really? But I settled in and it was quite wonderful. I opted for the long program of 20 minutes and after the time was up I switched to some white noise (another useful iPhone application) and continued my chilled out state.

Happily, I can report that I never succumbed to migraine. The only down side was that I was super-awake the rest of the night so my sleep cycle is a bit off. Apparently, one hour of hypnosis is equal to four hours of regular sleep (or so I've read on multiple websites, but who knows). What I do know is that I will be using hypnosis more in the future. Stay tuned.

Not with a bang but a whimper

2009-01-01T12:18:00.002-05:00

Welcome, 2009! My new year was less party-party and more icepack/blackout mask/drugs/CSI marathon. Ah, yes. The migraine which began Sunday evening abated briefly yesterday with the start of the snowfall but then came back last evening as a special New Year's treat. It was never bad enough to make me 100% non-functioning, though I was an hour late to work on Tuesday as I needed the extra time for the drugs to take effect. So, last evening I stayed in with my pals Grissom, Catherine, Warrick, Sarah, and Nick and listened to them solve cases I'd already watched before but had mostly forgotten. Seriously, can you believe I couldn't find any Law & Orders that I hadn't seen recently? A New Year's tragedy.

So, here's to a better 2009, with the (fingers crossed) release of a generic form of Imitrex, and even more hopeful: fewer reasons to take it!

Good health to all!

Hormones update! Wheee!

2008-12-21T10:31:00.002-05:00

A while back I posted about my migraine frustrations as related to my girly business, and am happy to say that I've yielded some splendid results. At the blessing of my girly-parts doctor, I am now on the lowest-estrogen dose pill AND (drum roll) and directed to take the pills straight through, skipping the placebos. For you non-pill takers and dudes out there, that means no periods for MG! It's, like, better than winning the lottery. And it means at least FOUR fewer migraines per month, which is like 200 times better than winning the lottery.

After charting my headaches for 6 months I noticed the migraine/ period trend, which is how I convinced my Dr. that extreme measures were required. The strange thing is that the two other times I charted my headaches in the past I found no such correlation. Apparently, hormones fluctuate once a woman passes age 30 -- and here I thought that age just began my descent into crone-dom and a signal to begin preparing to become a Crazy Cat Lady. Guess I should've paid more attention in high school health class, but I was usually too busy trying to not pass out.

While I am thrilled about the new therapy and decline of monthly migraines, I do also occasionally worry that I will end up like that great SNL commercial parody and just go batshit crazy one of these months. *Crosses fingers and hopes for best*

Of course, I found a downside. Published in the UK in August, I only stumbled upon a story in a magazine at the salon last week in which British researchers found that "Body odour plays an important part in mate selection but the Pill appears to interfere with a woman's sense of smell, undermining her capacity to make the best choice" and that "Opposites attract – in gender and in genes. But the study revealed that instead of going for genetically dissimilar mates, as human beings are instinctively inclined to do, women on the Pill tended to select men more genetically similar to themselves" (The Independent).

Oh, good. So I guess that explains why I keep dating fabulously intelligent, funny, hot, and sexy men with no desire to commit. Great. ;) Maybe I can hire some sort of bloodhound to sniff out my potential dates in the future? Maybe this is the next frontier in dating: forget online dating or matchmakers, hire a dog!

A Very Migraine Christmas

2008-12-06T10:07:00.002-05:00

I love Christmastime. But I have to admit that a little part of me fears it, because I am conscious that the big M might be waiting for me around any corner. Okay, maybe "fear" is too strong a word, but I certainly am aware of it and ever conscious of how frustrating a holiday migraine would be, because I would be missing out on family time and seeing people I only get to visit with once or twice a year.

Certainly I always think back to my first migraine episode, on Christmas day years ago while I was in college. I'd come home for the month-long winter break, and without taking a moment to rest after the nonstop madness of finals and countless papers written and nights spend until 4am in the library computer lab, I plunged right into Christmas decorating. Mom was still finishing up her term, Dad still at work, my brother too young to be bothered to help out. Knowing we were hosting the family at our house (three families rotated the hosting duties for a while), I went into full-on, Type-A, MArtha Stewart decorating craziness. I must say: the house looked wonderful, with garland winding up the stairway, handmade pine cone garlands (from pine cones I'd gathered myself,of course), fresh pine boughs over every doorway, springs of fresh holly in every room, candles everywhere...it was lovely. And then it happened: about an hour after everyone had arrived, once all were tended to with drinks and food and coats stashed away...I felt it. Suddenly my head was in a tight vise grip, my vision grew dark, my stomach began to churn, and I fled upstairs to lie down.

My mother found me, twisted in pain on my bed and brought me ice packs and drugs. I didn't know what was happening to me, but I very distinctly recall thinking about ways to knock myself unconscious -- the pain was actually that bad. I even fleetingly wondered if I should do something more serious. I couldn't think past the intense tightening, unrelenting, overpowering pain. I tried hurting myself in other ways, like pinching myself hard and knocking my head against the wall, anything to make the migraine pain seem less severe. All while trying to block out the sounds of - yes - Christmas downstairs.

Since that first migraine I've learned to sense them coming on and to know my possible triggers in order to be prepared. My migraines these days rarely make it to such a terrible level, but still even the less major ones can lay me out for a few hours or an entire day. But nothing will ever compare to that first one, on Christmas Day. Thankfully I still love Christmas, a testament to my love of holiday music and cookies, for sure!

Migraines may cut breast cancer rick by 30%! Huh.

2008-11-06T17:39:00.003-05:00

WOW, thanks to the lovely M for this great article about a recent study on women, breast cancer, and migraines.

"In a puzzling twist, women who have a history of migraine headaches are far less likely to develop breast cancer than other women, U.S. researchers said on Thursday."

Well, let's file that in the Glass Half Full cabinet. Who knew?

On Being A Girl

2008-10-17T14:13:00.003-04:00

Being a girl has its advantages, like having boobs (the best accessory ever), but I find the biggest disadvantage has got to be hormones. Damn them! As I've been charting my migraines for the past 6 months I find that I DO in fact get a lot more of them during that special week. And I ask: how the #*@$$&% is that fair? I'm already eating everything in sight, tired, bloated, and developing zits in clusters resembling the islands of the Bahamas. I know I often write about migraines being unfair, because in those dark moments they feel genuinely unfair. They make me cancel plans and lie in bed in the dark listening to vintage Law & Order episodes. (On a side note, when I recently saw Sam Waterston on the street I wanted to hug him for being my comfort in those dark hours, but instead did the NYC thing and pretended I had better things to do).

So anyone out there have any success with hormone regulation and migraine abatement? I'd love to hear about it!

Am I being tested?!?!

2008-10-12T11:26:00.002-04:00

What a week! I had a low-grade migraine every day, or perhaps the same one decided to spend 6 days with me. Now, my definition of a "low-grade migraine" is a migraine with all of the fun side dishes: light and sound sensitivity, vise-like grip, occasional nausea (I am lucky on this front in that stomach problems are rare with me), general "out-of-it"-ness. Powering though the day is an option (one that I chose) but by the time I got home I had to climb right into bed. And then wake up at 2am or 3:30 am with terrible pain, be awake for 2-3 hours, fall asleep finally, and not be able to awaken with my alarm. Yeah: good times!

My guess is that the run of nicer weather this week churned up the fall allergy demons and all those little particles, on top of changing pressure systems, did me in. Or, you know, my head just sucks. I'm really open to either explanation.

blerg.

2008-10-05T13:28:00.000-04:00

100 mg of Imitrex this weekend...so far. Arghh.

Category 4 Migraine

2008-09-08T13:41:00.005-04:00

Hurricane season terrifies me, and not because I live on a barrier island (though one day, perhaps...Outer Banks: I mean you). Changing pressure systems equal migraine breeding ground, and I approach the Weather Channel's radar graphics with the concentration of a general plotting battleground strategy. That little graphic representing the eye of the storm to me is an icon representation of the telltale pain behind my left eyebrow.

I've been blissfully migraine-free for the past 8 days or so, as I continue to fight off this flu/cold/plague. After a re-lapse last week I finally consulted my Dr. After 4 hours of sitting in the waiting room, undergoing every test imaginable, fainting when they tried to take blood, and being forgotten in the exam rooms while wearing a fantastic paper gown, this medical genius concluded that I had a bad cold/flu.

However, while the plague was terrible and I desperately missed the human race, it was almost nice to have a visible disease. I was completely stuffed up and coughing and there was no doubt that I was ill. Whereas, with a migraine, I may look less than "with it" and perhaps sound like I am stoned but it is far less dramatic. Many days I work with a migraine and no one is the wiser. In fact, unless I have a migraine severe enough to cause me to miss work or have to cancel plans, I DON'T TELL ANYONE. Because I don't want to be that person with migraines. Because to a lot of people it sounds like a cop-out. Because I feel like some weeks all I do is cancel plans and lie in bed with an ice pack on my head, listening to re-runs of "Law & Order" on TNT.

But back to the hurricanes: they were mercifully, uh, merciful. I've had a migraine today since 3am but am keeping it at bay with drugs. Sadly, nothing will fix it until I can be home and take the real hardcore drugs. I can live with this one today. One day, I hope that I won't have to just bear it.

The fine art of Piling On

2008-08-25T19:40:00.002-04:00

Well, it's been a less than stellar week at MN, as I've been fighting off the flu since last Monday. Actually, there wasn't much fighting involved: it conquered me in the night and I didn't know what hit me until yesterday. MN has not experienced such illness since perhaps the sixth grade, or certainly in a time when it was ok and not desperately pathetic to wish for one's mommy.

Perhaps the most fun aspect was that my migraines didn't go away during this time of fevers, chills, total head blockage and earaches -- oh no, they came anyway! And if you think it's fun to try to release an Imitrex from the 9-pack when you're pre-migraine, just try it when you're also on multiple cold medicines and are somehow trying to read the backs of all the drug packagings to make sure that you won't die if you take this particular drug cocktail. Seems that it was ok, or at least the irreversible kidney or liver or whatever else damage will at least wait to manifest itself until I can again breathe through my nose. This is my simple hope.

More than dying from unfortunate drug cocktail mixing, my real fear was of choking to death on a Hall's mentho-lyptus during the night. But sleeping - well, resting, really, there was little sleep until Saturday -- was impossible because of the coughing, hence the dangerous Hall's cough drop. I figured if I slept sitting up mostly I would at least awaken before I had totally choked to death enough to remember 8th grade CPR classes and how to Heimlich myself on a kitchen chair. Or at least write a brief, witty, totally memorable death note that would make me famous in death and help pay off my debt so my next of kin would not be left with it. Unfortunately, all the sleeping sitting up did was give me an ACTUAL pain in the neck, so now I am timing taking pain relievers for that in between the cold medicine.

So what have I learned this week? Let's see:

1. The flu sucks it. Hard.
2. Migraines have no pity.
3. My head is a wonderland. A wonderland of CRAP.
4. Hall's makes a Canada Dry Ginger ale flavor drop. When I can taste things again, I'll tell you how they are.
5. I may or may not have damaged vital organs. Stay tuned.
6. It is possible to watch all the programs on one's TiVo "Now Playing" list.

Next on MN: Going Outside And Trying To Enjoy The Last Week Of Summer. oooh!

Pennsyltucky

2008-08-21T23:36:00.005-04:00

I was home visiting the family this weekend. And people wonder why I moved....

Accupunc-tastic!

2008-08-12T20:49:00.002-04:00

Well, in my ongoing quest to beat down my migraines, and after spending the entire weekend in pain with only 3 good hours, I scheduled my first appointment with an acupuncturist this morning. I was so excited last night, like it was the eve of the first day of school. I even set out my clothes. Really.

Upon arriving and meeting the lovely woman who would be inserting needles into my body, I was even more excited. Not only was she totally cool and wearing fantastic pink shoes (trusts me on this one: they were drool-worthy fuschia ballet flats), but she was extremely knowledgeable about migraine suffering and treated me like I didn't have a made-up ailment. Even more awesome! So, imagine my dismay when, nine needles into things, I had to ask "Is it normal to get light-headed?" and then proceeded to quickly turn white then green and began sweating profusely. Yeah. So, the lovely wonderful acupuncturist had to remove all the needles and bring me water and make sure I didn't pass out. All the while I was thinking "What just happened?" and cursing my body for acting up.

She told me that two other people have had similar reactions, which made me feel somewhat better, though still sheepish as I mopped my sweaty face and body and silently willed my sweat to not seep onto the paper covering the table on which I was lying. Mostly, though, I felt frustrated, because I realized how many hopes I'd pinned to this treatment. But I'm not giving up...I hope to try again in a few weeks and this time with just one or two needles and see how it goes. I still feel rather uneven and off-kilter -- I guess that it my unbalanced Qi. It figures: even my Qi is wacked out!

My Migraine Triggers (a partial list)

2008-08-11T23:07:00.002-04:00

1. changes in barometric pressure
2. humidity
3. not enough sleep
4. too much sleep
5. keeping feelings bottled up
6. a good cry
7. sometimes beer, sometimes not
8. sometimes wine, sometimes not
9. car travel
10. train travel
11. airplane travel
12. allergies
13. getting dried out from allergy medication
14. menstrual cycle
15. cold
16. heat
17. stress
18. anxiety
19. loud noises
20. thinking about migraines

oh, W...

2008-08-06T15:12:00.002-04:00

So this article has MN all riled up, because once again, Bush is messing with contraception issues. I've been following this issue as it plays out into absurdity for a while and all I can do is shake my head. Well, allow me to rephrase: my head is shaking because my entire body is SHAKING WITH RAGE. To allow a pharmacist, clinic worker, etc. to refuse to dispense oral contraception, PLan B, and the like is not, theoretically, something I am against. MN doesn't force her ideologies onto others. However, this legislation would be! I use my local Duane Reade as an example: imagine waiting in the infuriatingly long line that snakes back through the aisles, as German tourists jump in front of you not understanding there is one line and that you can purchase your water, candybars, American magazines, and Band-Aids at ANY register but can only pick up prescriptions at THIS one, waiting as the poor clerk who doesn't speak much English tries to find your order...and then find out that due to the personal beliefs of the pharmacist on duty that your order will not be filled. And the next pharmacist isn't on duty until tomorrow morning. Now, maybe I am overreacting, maybe there will be back-ups in place. But in my experience with these things...well, let's just say I'm not out of order in expecting the worst.

So, frustration abounds. And I am lucky in that I haven't ever needed an emergency contraceptive like Plan B. But the thing is: my main reason for using the pill is to regulate my hormones so I am not writhing in pain 4 days a month OR getting the additional migraines. Being a girl is FUN! Of course, MN reaps the extra benefit and worries less about her slutty lifestyle (just kidding, mom), but about those people who really NEED these drugs?

Oh, hey, another plan ruined. Awesome.

2008-07-27T13:51:00.004-04:00

Seriously, this super-humidity needs to stop. I was up ALL night with a migraine, which was apparently a new super breed which was impervious to Imitrex, ice packs, total darkness, and force of will. This may indeed be a new form of terror, and if it is: well played, terrorists. I had to miss a birthday brunch AND birthday B'way matinee. I heart brunch and I heart matinees. So unfair! Grrrr.

Really, how do I get out of the house some days?!

2008-07-15T15:02:00.002-04:00

This morning while walking through Port Authority someone tapped me on the shoulder. Which I ignored, because that is what you do when you're in the realm of crazy people that is the bus terminal. *Tap Tap* again. I turn around. The woman informs me that my dress is on inside out. I sheepishly thank her and run to the restrooms to switch it right side out. I check to make sure I am wearing undergarments and shoes and that there's nothing in my teeth and head out into the madness that is 42nd street and 8th avenue and pray that I 1.) don't get hit by a cab, 2.) don't get shat on by those pigeons on the northwest corner, and 3.) that the "mystery water" than just landed on my shoulder was from an air conditioner...please!

Ah, New York. I'm never moving.

www.WellSphere.com

2008-07-06T20:55:00.002-04:00

Hey, great news! I will be a featured blogger in the soon-to-be-debuted Migraine Community on WellSphere.com. Come and check me out there, too!

More frustrations

2008-07-06T20:36:00.003-04:00

Well, last week was not stellar. Both Monday and Wednesday I didn't make it in to work until after 12:30 due to my head. Both mornings I woke up early with a foggy head and sense of impending doom. Arghh.

When I wake up with fuzziness like this I sometimes give myself a pep talk and make myself keep moving, thinking maybe I am just tired or being lazy. But then the tell-tale vise grip tightens and I have to lie down and hope it goes away quickly. I even called my mother both times because 1.) she too is a migraine sufferer so she understands and 2.) she's the woman who used to tell me in grade school "well, if you think you are sick enough to stay home then you should," which is the most brilliant bit of Catholic guilt-inducing parenting I've ever encountered. So I knew she would cut through my crap if there was any but it quickly became apparent that I was indeed pre-migraine as I struggled to form simple sentences and was forced to end the phone call when the effort of talking proved to be too much for me.

The happy part of this story is that my bosses totally understand my situation and know that if I am not at work it is for a good reason, and I know I am incredibly lucky. In fact, in a former job my boss once "casually" mentioned in front of me that Boss wasn't hiring someone because that person mentioned in her interview that she gets migraines. This boss said "I won't make that mistake again." Yeah, really.

The lies we tell ourselves

2008-06-19T20:55:00.004-04:00

Been a rough week to be my head. I'm not sure if it's just the weather, or the pollen-filled breezes, or hormones, or WHAT precisely...but I've been hurting all week. But as I continue my fight I constantly am trying new methods of warfare. Today I tried "Denial," and I honestly do not recommend it to anyone. Sheesh. I woke up feeling thick in the head, with that aura accompanied by the pain behind my right eyebrow -- and since the pain is 99.9% of the time behind my left eyebrow I thought "well, THIS must be a sinus headache," so I took my daily allergy pill plus some Alleve and figured it would go away on its own. Four hours and a second Alleve later I had pain behind both eyebrows and a creeping vise grip on the back of my head and neck and still I thought "oh, it must be the pressure system." Finally at 1:15 I went to Duane Reade to get a pill-cutter and came back, split a 100 mg Imitrex in half and took it and - whoa - felt better in about 30 minutes. Huh. Guess it WAS a migraine.

Today I just did not want to be that person with migraines again. My good friend NK, a fellow sufferer, and I laugh about the things we do in life to avoid headaches...and how we sometimes go ahead and plunge right into a situation rife with triggers because we just can't stand staying home one more evening. For example, we were supposed to have an "unlimited champagne brunch" last Sunday but I opted out because I started getting the twinge as I was getting dressed. She went and later had a headache and acknowledged via text message that the brunch "really wasn't a good idea for people with heads like ours." But how do you always know? I could have 3 beers tonight and be fine, and tomorrow have one and get a three- hour migraine. Red wine? Hmmm. Car trip? Forget it. Flying? Ughhh. Too much sleep, not enough sleep, dehydration, BREATHING...where does it end? And I love when people say to me "Well, have you tried eliminating your triggers?" OH! Wow! THANKS! I never thought of that! I just ordered my bubble to live in and it will be here next week. You'll all visit, won't you??!!?!

Older, sure...but not yet wiser

2008-06-11T12:39:00.004-04:00

So MN turned another year older yesterday and had a grand day of celebration, ending with a near-midnight drive through northern New Jersey during a blackout. Awesome! It was a day filled with high-caloric intake and the forced drinking of MN's co-workers and bosses at birthday lunch (MN does not like to drink alone) with more eating and drinking at dinner with brave birthday friend, TR.

TR and I experienced a journey worthy of Sisyphus in trying to get to our favorite Cuban restaurant in Hoboken. First: no PATH trains from 33rd street. Ok, fine. We took the A to World Trade Center (creepy) and picked up the PATH from there to Hoboken. While walking to aforementioned restaurant, we realized it was still Africa hot and as we went further west (i.e. away from the cooling Hudson) it got worse, until TR turned to me and said "I will most likely die before we get there. The wine is in my bag." No one died, luckily (a bad birthday omen fer sure) but Fabulous Cuban Restaurant With Yummy Cilantro Dipping Sauce was closed due to...something. We never got an explanation but rather were directed to its sister restaurant a block away. It was tasty, but not what we'd been dreaming about. Alas. But the real daiquiris (no Bachelorette party-esque strawberry concoctions here) made us forget out troubles. That is, until we left and began walking back to the train station and were hit with hurricane-level winds on Washington Street. When a nearby patio umbrella went through the windshield of the SUV across the street from us, we took cover in the nearest...sports bar. Ack! The rest of the evening entailed being drenched in the rain, all trains being cancelled, other friend JH being stranded, TR being stranded, then driving them home through the deep-space blackness of NJ.

All was well and MN made it home and in the house by 11:55 PM to hastily open all birthday cards in the last 5 minutes of the birthday proper. Good times! And most lovely of all the Migraine Fairy waited until the day was concluded before visiting and very nicely went away with only 50 mg of Imitrex. Normally I would be hella angry about said headache, but after the craziness of the day I was happy to be in one piece and back in my own bed. I will return to the good fight soon.

Migraines: it's ON

2008-05-19T04:37:00.005-04:00

That's right, migraines: I've really had it this time. Not only are you screwing up my social calendar but now you're messing with my professional one, too. I missed an entire day of work on Friday because I was unable to even lift my head for the greater part of the day or figure out how pants work. That morning, I awoke as usual and a prepared for work but was moving more slowly than usual which I merely attributed to it being Friday. But I was in good spirits and excited for my Girls' Night dinner, a night which took no fewer than 17 chain emails between four friends to confirm, two months in advance.

But, noooooo. Instead I had to lie down and emailed work explaining that I was running late. Which I hate doing, because it seems like I am doing so at least once a week and it makes me feel like a total flake. But it seems that a majority of my headaches occur in the early morning hours and on those days I simply cannot get it together enough to even dress myself. And how I wish I were joking, but I am not: the simple act of putting on pants becomes utterly confounding. Seriously. It's comical in the aftermath but frustrating and scary and overwhelming in the actual moments.

Well, after lying down I mercifully fell asleep and awoke feeling worse and somehow pecked out an email to work that my head wasn't working and crawled back into bed. And my use of the word "crawl" is literal here: I couldn't stand upright from the pain and honestly had to slink around my apartment, very cartoon-Grinch-like. I woke up again at 10:00 PM, had some saltines and ginger ale, took more Fioronol (preciousss, preciousss, codeine) and slept til Saturday morning. No Girls' Night, no work, no fun.

Now, I managed to make some use of the weekend and even was proud to have found my new miracle daily drug in Alavert, which was going to solve all of my allergy AND sinus problems. And I made it through an intermittently rainy weekend with pressure changes with no problems but then I made the error of talking about my new success. Within four hours I was writhing in pain in my bed, with ice packs and blackout mask and drugs and just wishing someone, anyone, would stop by and knock me unconscious. This horror lasted from about 11:30 PM until 3:00 am.

So this is why I am up at 4am, typing out this posting, hoping to clear my mind of all these angry thoughts. I'm tired of losing my life to my headaches. I'm tired of being afraid to even have one drink. I've had it with the fear that comes with a rainy forecast. I'm appalled at my date book: a litany of canceled plans. All I can hope for now is that the new daily drugs I'm on will work and that my Dr. is right that it will take me another month or so to notice the effects. Until then, I keep fighting.

"Later I'm going to go bobsledding down a rainbow."

2008-05-14T15:57:00.000-04:00

I must share: Michel Gondry Entertained For Days By New Cardboard Box

I Heart Allergies

2008-05-14T12:01:00.005-04:00

Sooooo. Yeah. It's been a while, so here is a brief rundown of what's been up in the world of MN:

* visited Pittsburgh ("Pixburgh"), home of the Penguins, Pirates, Steelers ("Stillers"), guys with amazing mustaches, fem-mullets, excellent breweries, and the home of the best sandwich in the world ever, Primanti Brothers. Also ate at a brewery in a de-sanctified church and had many moments of pure sacrilidge, as our large group of 10 was seated on the altar. ON. THE. ALTAR. This circumstance was compounded in hilarity as I'd just brought 17 Official NYC Papal Visit '08, blessed by the Pope crucifixes across state lines as family gifts. If only I'd been there at LaGuardia when my bag went through security...but since I was booked on a plane that is more commonly used to fly the Keebler elves, there was no space for my bag as a carry-on. Alas!

* LOVED and LOVES seasonal allergies! Know what's even more fantastically awesome? Seaonal allergies AND migraines! It's like peanut butter and chocolate - so much better together. Wheee!

* Firemen. Oh, how I love thee. Here's how I do NO love thee, however: when thoust are parked in thine four firetrucks in frontest of mine abode and not explaining why thoust are there and keep referring to mine apartment and not using thine words "Not on Fire" in reference to mine apartment for over twenty minutes.

Yes, I'll take fries on that

2008-05-01T18:28:00.003-04:00

So MN is off to the glorious city of Pittsburgh tomorrow - or "Pixburgh" as it's known to locals. You really have to love a city that puts french fries on its salads, and sandwiches, and anything else that happens to be on the table. I'm hoping my head behaves itself, unlike the last 3 days of intermittent misery.

Special thanks to Bourgeois Deviant for the healing tea this am. Our feud is temporarily suspended.

AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2008-04-29T16:12:00.002-04:00

I did not win today. Stupid migraines. Why is it that there are at least four different drugs for erectile dysfunction but only two major ones for migraines? That's it: someone get me a penis.

Tuxedo Pants, a bloodied t-shirt, and one shoe

2008-04-28T14:46:00.002-04:00

Lest my friends forget that I grew up in the boonies of Pennsyltucky, where we had days off from school for the first day of trout season, I bring you this article from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette with my compliments. This is only slightly less redneck than when my cousins got drunk and stole all the Republican presidential candidate signs from people's yards and used them for archery targets. Slightly.

Argument for Big-Girl Underwears

2008-04-28T12:16:00.002-04:00

Right. So Friday was one of those days that was - how to put this delicately - craptacular. And since I like to share these days with everyone, I sent out a mass email to my friends and included my mom (she digs that). Because my friends are awesome, one of them even wrote a mini-play dramatizing my non-awesome day. Love her. But I digress.

So, I am outside on my way to pick up a salad and then maybe also some chips (spinach salad with tofu + kettle-cooked potato chips = 0 - they cancel each other out, right?) when my phone rings and I stop to take the call. Now, a little background: Friday was a glorious spring day, with blue skies and near 70 degree temperatures. Therefore, I was wearing a lovely sundress with my Frye biker boots and feeling sassy. Until a wind gust came whipping down west 44th street and gave me my own personal Seven Year Itch moment. However, unlike Ms. Monroe, who was undoubtedly wearing some gorgous lace or satin drawers, I remembered that I was wearing white cotton boy shorts with little blue rabbits on them that I'd purchased at the Gap after Easter for $1.99. And did I mention that the hot, tall, beat cop I've been eyeing was, like RIGHT across the street when this all happened? Yeah. So I think it is time I go shopping for some big girl underwear. Maybe next week I can learn to tie my shoes and color inside the lines.

Sticky wickett in your chips, indeed

2008-04-25T13:15:00.006-04:00

Dear Bourgeois Deviant,

Why must you be such a whiny little bitch?

Love,
MN

"Epic trouser-rattler"

2008-04-24T16:25:00.002-04:00

And yet another reason I love the English: this story about a new Colin Firth movie.

Non-tourist lane, please

2008-04-24T14:48:00.003-04:00

OK, OK, I know that everyone bitches about this: but COME ON, NYC tourists! Please remember that some of us live here, or at least work here. And we don't have all frakkin day to wait for you to get your fanny packs and Hershey store bag-toting asses together and figure out which way is north, let alone whether you're going to Toys R Us or the MTV Store first. Me? I just want to get back to this office with my damn salad. So when I am speed-walking at mach 5 in that lane outside the sidewalk, yeah - the one where there's always horse shit - STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY! That's the non-tourist lane! Yeah, you go back to the sidewalk, because I think that nice young man over there wants to know if you like comedy. Thank you.

OK, OK, I am back

2008-04-17T11:26:00.003-04:00

So will you stop bugging me now, Mr. Bourgeois Deviant? Sheesh.

I think I stopped posting for so long because writing about my migraines, while initially liberating, because annoying. I didn't want to devote any more of my life to them that I spent already - huddled in bed with a blackout mask and two icepacks on my head. Hot, right? You totally want me.

So I am writing about other thing? What things, you ask. Who the hell knows.

Kicked in the butt by karma

2006-10-25T14:04:00.000-04:00

Well, I never should've told a aingle soul that I hadn't had a migraine in 2 weeks because, guess what, I got one at 2:30am this morning. I hereby forbid anyone from inquiring into the state of my head from this day forth. Please!!! Luckily, I felt it coming on and went to bed early, and when I awoke at the early hour with that familiar pre-migraine intense pain and nausea I was prepared with Imitrex. I have discovered that 50mg is sufficient for most days, which is certainly a money-saver (those little triangles of salvation cost $25 each at full retail!).

...which brings me to my rant: why the heck is this stuff so expensive??? I fear that I am paying for the drug companies wining and dining of prominent doctors rather than for their years on research and development. I am hoping that the patent is up soon so that a generic may invade the marketplace. Such is the state of my wish list these days. Hope all are well and pain free!

Odd medication warning

2006-10-11T08:28:00.000-04:00

While reading the many warning labels on my most recent refill of Fiorinal, I noticed a warning I hadn't seen before: "Do not lie down for 30 minutes after taking this medication." Really? I cannot imagine ever needing Fiorinal when I could be standing up!

New York Times article thoughts

2006-10-08T17:33:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about the above article from the New York Times on August 8, 2006, which preposes that sinus headaches are actually migraines. See article link here.

A good number of my headaches begin with a sharp pain in my sinuses directly behind my left eyebrow. Does this happen to anyone else? I wonder if all those years in school when I was diagnosed with sinus infections and headaches if they were really migraines.

A full weekend, quite the novel concept these days

2006-10-08T16:59:00.000-04:00

This weekend is the first in a month that I have not lost an entire day to a migraine. Believe me, I've been making the most of it and have accomplished quite a lot on my multitudes of to-do lists; however, at the same time I feel like I must be somewhat cautious. Despite the fact that I regularly see my doctor and have heavy-hitters like Imitrex and Fioronol handy, despite the pain management sessions I've completed and the biofeedback work, in many ways I am a prisoner of my damn head. I may be on good behavior but who knows what awaits? For these reasons I decided to start this blog--to connect with others, to find new methods of management, to just not feel so guilty every time I have to cancel plans and stay in bed with an ice pack.