Migraines: it's ON

That's right, migraines: I've really had it this time. Not only are you screwing up my social calendar but now you're messing with my professional one, too. I missed an entire day of work on Friday because I was unable to even lift my head for the greater part of the day or figure out how pants work. That morning, I awoke as usual and a prepared for work but was moving more slowly than usual which I merely attributed to it being Friday. But I was in good spirits and excited for my Girls' Night dinner, a night which took no fewer than 17 chain emails between four friends to confirm, two months in advance.

But, noooooo. Instead I had to lie down and emailed work explaining that I was running late. Which I hate doing, because it seems like I am doing so at least once a week and it makes me feel like a total flake. But it seems that a majority of my headaches occur in the early morning hours and on those days I simply cannot get it together enough to even dress myself. And how I wish I were joking, but I am not: the simple act of putting on pants becomes utterly confounding. Seriously. It's comical in the aftermath but frustrating and scary and overwhelming in the actual moments.

Well, after lying down I mercifully fell asleep and awoke feeling worse and somehow pecked out an email to work that my head wasn't working and crawled back into bed. And my use of the word "crawl" is literal here: I couldn't stand upright from the pain and honestly had to slink around my apartment, very cartoon-Grinch-like. I woke up again at 10:00 PM, had some saltines and ginger ale, took more Fioronol (preciousss, preciousss, codeine) and slept til Saturday morning. No Girls' Night, no work, no fun.

Now, I managed to make some use of the weekend and even was proud to have found my new miracle daily drug in Alavert, which was going to solve all of my allergy AND sinus problems. And I made it through an intermittently rainy weekend with pressure changes with no problems but then I made the error of talking about my new success. Within four hours I was writhing in pain in my bed, with ice packs and blackout mask and drugs and just wishing someone, anyone, would stop by and knock me unconscious. This horror lasted from about 11:30 PM until 3:00 am.

So this is why I am up at 4am, typing out this posting, hoping to clear my mind of all these angry thoughts. I'm tired of losing my life to my headaches. I'm tired of being afraid to even have one drink. I've had it with the fear that comes with a rainy forecast. I'm appalled at my date book: a litany of canceled plans. All I can hope for now is that the new daily drugs I'm on will work and that my Dr. is right that it will take me another month or so to notice the effects. Until then, I keep fighting.